With Alice turning the big "1" next month I have been thinking about this past year. How have I handled two kids? Have I grown? How have I grown? What have I learned? These questions go through my mind and I find myself wanting to answer them. I wish I knew what my mom was thinking/feeling when she was at my stage. I want Alice to know how wonderful her presence is in our home. I was so nervous to have two kids and learn all over again how to care for a baby. The moment I brought Alice home things just clicked. Somehow she made everything better, brighter, and more sweet. Though we wish to have more children I feel a sense of completeness. Or maybe I am just content.
How have I handled two kids?-- Well, better than I thought. In my mind I was going to be a mess and never get dressed or go outside and feel so overwhelmed I just stare at the wall. Most days usually one of those is true but never all of them (okay maybe some days:). I feel that two kids is much easier than one. I was already in "mommy mode" and adding one more was barely an increase of work. Alice is so content following Scarlett around and Scarlett is content telling her what to do. They take care of each other. The challenge with two... getting in and out of the car. I hate it! Also, I must plan and work hard to fit in time for me, it doesn't just happen anymore. That sounds selfish but having time to think without noise is essentially to my sanity. And if momma ain't sane ain't nobody sane.
While I nurse Alice little Scarlett climbs on the end table and jumps off. I get a bum shot every time:)
2. Have I grown? -- Of course! My children teach me daily, patience and forgiveness most of all. They are so willing to forgive my faults as a mother, it is humbling. I am far from perfect yet they love me completely. I have learned why Christ yearns for us to become as little children.
The saddest face I ever did see. I took this months ago and can not remember why she was crying. Oh, what a sweet child she is. Her heart is tender and easily broken. I must tell myself every morning to go easy on her, she is only 3 after all. She gives the tightest hugs around my neck and tells me all day "I like mommy and daddy, I like them a lot". I think she may even love us:)
How have I grown?--- I have said it before and I will say it again... cooking. I have learned to cook, not good but routinely. I will never cook gourmet but I will cook routinely. I am cooking 4-6 nights a week, sometimes every night. I have learned that meal time is sacred family time. The nights we sit and eat around the table are the nights that go most smooth. Scarlett has learned to sit pretty good for the whole meal and participate in the conversation. I figure if I can teach Scarlett then Alice will follow suit. Our evening just flows seamlessly when I have prepared a meal. I am not a fan of cooking at all but I am a huge fan of peace. If cooking brings peace to a crazy night then I will be a chef!
I have grown spirtually more than any year of marriage. Church is a circus. I feel I am taming animals for three hours. Our girls do well at church but they are three and one, they require our attention if we want them to sit still. During sacrament meeting we look at books with them, color, do quite books. They behave but our attention is on teaching them to sit still, usually not on the speaker. Then it's off to primary where Nick and I team teach the 6-7 year olds. It is fun but not necessarily spiritually uplifting and a lot of entertaining. I have not been to gospel doctrine or relief society in 18 months. Hence, if I want to grow spiritually it must be at home. Right now church is about serving others. I realized this some months ago. I was listening to the most beautiful song and it touched my heart, like really got to me. I remember thinking "is this really happening, am I finally feeling the spirit at church?" Right then Scarlett shoved a crayon all the way up her nose and starting screaming. I rushed her out and into the mothers lounge where I just bawled. Why can't church just be what it used to be? Why can I not just listen and enjoy? Why does it have to completely drain me? Why? There is a time and season and for the next while church is going to be a season of serving others. I can not go to church and expect that to be the only spiritual boost I get all week. Duh dummy Jill! That day I went home and from advice from my sister started to make a different to-do list. One column for "must do", another for "should do" and last is "I want to do". My "must do" always includes just three things "read scriptures, say prayers, and play with girls", that is it. I am home from the gym at 6:20 am and instead of tooling around for 40 or so minutes I sit and read my scriptures or read a talk. I noticed that my days started going more smooth and my church attitude became more positive. I can easily chalk it up to coincidence but I don't. I learned an invaluable lesson this year, it is the little things that make the difference.
What have I learned?--- Well, I kind of already answered that but I always have more to say. I have learned that I thrive in a simple environment. My days are simple, sometimes I never even think about getting in the car. I love it. And by love it I mean I LOVE IT!! I love that the stage I am in is so, so simple. Wake up, eat, play, maybe some errands, maybe library, tumbling class, naps, dinner, play, bed. That is it. I am enjoying every second of this precious time. I know that life will become more complicated and I am okay with that. In fact, I will enjoy it as well. But this year I have been more happy than ever and I know it is because I have time to breath, think, sleep, and smell the roses. I made myself a promise to strive to make each stage of life as simple as it can be. Not as simple as it is now but as simple as I can possibly make it. I am a better wife and mother when it is. My kids may not get to do everything but they will have an enjoyable mom.
The end
