Can I Love 3?

With each new baby I am confused about how I can love another. I understand that I will love this little boy but I just don't understand how. My heart is so completely in love with my girls. How can there be room enough in my heart? I guess my heart will just have to grow another size and it will. It is so incredible to me how someone you never met can fill so much of you. I think about this boy all the time and even without having met

him my heart is changing.  I can not imagine life without Alice or Scarlett. Literally, the thought of their absence leaves me filling hollow. Yet, they have only been in my life a few short years. Parenthood takes you down a path of love that has no return. Once you give your heart to your child it is theirs forever. I pray everyday my children learn to understand the depth of my love and how precious they are.

"My love for my children is profound, but because we spend our days living, working, surviving we don't stop much to feel how deep we love. 

And I find it just a little unsettling, but at least I know, there is no bottom to that love. There's no threshold to hold it all in. I closed my eyes and saw my soul as an infinite series of chambers where my love continued to fall deeper and deeper in and out of rooms with doors that opened but never shut. And I wonder if this concept is the only hard proof we have that a conscious eternity does in fact exist? It is the only thing I know for sure that doesn't end. Where does all that love go if there is no eternity to fill it?

I learned this week something I knew before but never really understood: a broken heart is the very instrument we use to understand how deep we love."

Time passes

I have been making baby books for the girls these past couple weeks. It is a goal to get them all done before the baby. Oh ya, I am pregnant. I forget some days and I never know how many weeks I am so don't ask. I am somewhere in my third trimester and not close enough for delivery to be to concerned. Anyway, as I go through pictures for their baby books I am amazed at how fast the time has gone. It was just yesterday Alice was a sweet baby. Just yesterday that Scarlett was two with the worst mullet around. It went by fast. I thought I would never forget Scarlett's two year old face or the sound of her baby voice but I have. I look at her in the pictures and think "oh ya, that is what she looked like". Same with Alice. I never thought I would forget that baby stage but I have. I am thankful for iphone videos and hundreds of pictures to remind me of my babies.

This has made me enjoy my days more. I look at these sweet girls and know that in just a few short moments I will forget this stage. I try not to get sentimental about time passing and instead be proactive. I try to spend more individual time talking and playing with them. I try to get them to laugh more and make memories with them. When Alice naps Scarlett and I practice letters, read stories, and eat cookies. When Scarlett is at school Alice and I go on a "date". Really we just go to the library or the park but she calls it her "date" with mom. She loves to be in control of the music choice in the car while Scarlett is away. We end up listening to the same song over and over. I have learned not to care and instead drink in these precious moments. I adore my 4 and 2 year old and having just them. Adding another little one will throw things off for a while and it makes me nervous. Three kids better be as awesome as two!!

My sweet girls in summer of 2012