Mother of the Moment

I often feel just like that... I let the moment decide how I mother. If the moment is crazy, such as getting out the door while holding a baby carrier and shoes and trying to feed the cat and Scarlett begging to be held, then I am crazy. I push Scarlett out the door and shove the car seat in the car with hurried frustration. I drive away in a frazzle. If the moment is maddening, such as a complete diaper blowout or permanent marker drawn on clothes/body/light wood dresser, then I am mad. I raise my voice and drag said perpetrator to timeout in an angry mess of tears and kicking and screaming (usually by both of us). If everything is under control then I feel peace and love on my babies. In short, I do not control my emotions or the moment. I can be calm in a stressful situation and kind in a naughty one. I can be... but I am not.

I came to this disappointing realization while reading the Ensign yesterday. I had a rare moment to myself and opened it to read something while I ate lunch. I was reading about the prophet's, Thomas Monson, mother. She was overly kind and he said that their home was filled with charity. I had this overwhelming desire to have a home like that and to be called kind. This mother was in control, despite having naughty kids and a messy kitchen. I am sure that she became angry at times but they were few and far between. She disciplined with love and not with anger and in a moment of craziness she stopped and took a calming breath. She had the emotional and inner strength to decide how she would mother. I feel like my actions are sand in a windy storm, blowing here and there. I want to be the rock, grounded and rooted in place. To know the type of mother I want to be and be it, know matter what the moment dictates. My toddler dumps apple juice on a freshly mopped floor and I calmly approach her, take her little hand and lead her to the time out chair. I discuss in a kind but firm voice her wrong doing and end it in a hug. That is my goal. I will have moments of weakness, as every mother does but I want them few and far between. That is my goal. I want to raise my children so they won't have a temper or a "short fuse", like I do. I want to raise them so they are better than me in every way. That is my goal. I must remember that as a woman I have the power to create a feeling of love and respect in my home. In fact, it is my duty to do so. So do it!

Both of my babies at 2 weeks. Aren't they gems!

Scarlett

Alice