Cancel it out

Sometimes I go to bed feeling so guilty. I didn't play with Scarlett enough. I didn't get down on the ground and rough house with her and throw her in the air or chase her around or read her a story or let her run around naked (and pee on the floor). I forced her to do what I wanted/needed all day. I got mad at her for something small or big, whatever it may be. But still she is only 1. I feel guilty because I forced her to just blend into my day, to sit still and be quiet, instead of blending into hers.

But...sometimes I am a good mom. She can get a cookie at the grocery store and get as messy as she wants. She hates having her nose wiped, I don't bother. She can eat lunch outside and throw her food on the ground. Take a bath as long as she wants. Grab a pudding from the pantry and we eat it on the floor together. We bounce balls for hours and I let her get muddy in the bake yard.

In the end I pray that all the good stuff just makes up the bad. I think that will be my prayer for the rest of my life.